FLYING WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN: A Parent Carer Guide to Short Haul Travel
- sunshinelayla
- Jul 1
- 18 min read
Updated: 18 hours ago
For many parents, myself included, the thought of flying with autistic children can be extremely daunting.
Even though we've flown short haul as a family quite a few times now, we are yet to brave a journey with a total in-transit duration of more than 5 hours. I still feel worried about how the boys will cope on board the plane and get nervous before a trip.
While I realise that all families (including those without autistic/adhd children) will probably find travelling stressful, I think parent carers with neurodivergent children face additional challenges when departing / arriving through an airport and during the flight itself.
This article is designed to help parents feel more confident about flying with autistic children, and focuses on short haul flights on under 5 hours duration.
Below I have covered the different stages of air travel and the reasons why navigating these might be difficult for autistic / adhd children. I also offer some ideas and strategies to help you and your autistic child stay as calm as possible - whatever happens.
PREPARING YOUR AUTISTIC CHILD FOR FLYING
(PRE-DEPARTURE)
The more your child knows what to expect from the airport / plane experience, the more in control they will feel, and the less likely they are to become to extremely dysregulated and head in to shutdown / meltdown.
Planning for a successful flight can begin far in advance of the day itself, and there is plenty that you can do at home to help prepare your child and make the day go as smoothly as possible. Here are some of the things you can do:
VISIT THE AIRPORT
Prepare your family and practice getting to and around the airport together:
Airports and airlines are taking an increasingly affirmative approach to hidden disabilities, and there are now a number of extremely helpful resources / access events available that cater to a range of different learning & communication styles. If your local airport does not offer this service you can be proactive and plan something yourself.
Things you could do include:
walking the route from your point of drop off (taxi rank / bus stop / train station) into the terminal.
finding where the luggage trolleys are located
practicing using airport transfers e.g. the monorail from the north terminal to the south terminal at Gatwick
scouting out where the check-in zone for your airline will be
finding the special assistance desk
agreeing what order you are going to do things on the day, and perhaps writing this down as a mini action list that you child can be in charge of. This will help you stay on plan when things get stressful.
You can do these things with or without your child. Discover how this approach helped us in our article about using Airport Hotels
Some airports offer special access events where you can go with your child and be shown around the terminal including security etc. It is definitely worth looking into if you think this familiarity would help to reduce your child's anxiety.
CLOTHING
I always let the boys dress themselves in their favourite outfits on travelling days (no matter how unmatched or outlandish they may be). It automatically makes them feel more comfortable, relaxed and in control. I also take extra items with me in our hand luggage - anxiety can make people more clumsy and accidents more likely to happen.
ARRIVING AT THE AIRPORT WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN
Sometimes just getting into an airport terminal can be an achievement! Depending on how you arrive, (train, bus, car) there will be the transition from inside to outside and then back inside again, perhaps with lots of walking and certainly with lots of other vehicles / people around you.
TOP TIP:
There is nothing worse then getting out a taxi, or off a bus in the rain/dark/cold with a load of luggage and not being able to get a trolley - trust me I've been there!
It helps to have some £1 coins (or equivalent e.g. 1 euro) in your pocket to use. Although the trolleys are normally free once you are inside the terminal, quite often the ones outside require a coin.
SPECIAL ASSISTANCE
Using Special Assistance for your Flight:
I highly recommend booking special assistance at least 72 hours in advance of your flight. Walking into an airport Departures Terminal during a busy period can be really disorienting. The noise, crowd, queues and large groups of people and luggage moving in all different directions can feel overwhelming. There is much they can do to help.
If you have booked assistance then you need to go and check in at the special assistance service desk as soon as you arrive as sometimes there is a wait for a guide pr wheelchair. Taking a moment here will also help you get your breath back!
There is nearly always some reserved seating in a semi-enclosed space, which can provide a sensory barrier against the confusion around you. You can also use this space to wait with your child while another adult / parent / carer goes to check in, put in your luggage and perhaps print boarding passes.
For more information on booking / using special assistance visit my dedicated page.
CHECK IN and LUGGAGE
Sometimes there is someone from the special assistance team who can help you with the check in process, taking you to the airline desk and then through a priority line to the front of the queue. This is very helpful if you can't leave your child with another adult, they need your extra attention or you are carrying them and unable to put them down.
However, if no-one is available at special assistance then you can always approach a member of the airline’s staff (there is normally at least one person available) in your check in zone and let them know that you need and have requested extra help / special assistance. They will most likely take you to the front of the queue and they can sometimes help with putting luggage on to the scales etc, particularly if you need to give your child 1:1 support.
Some airlines also offer a dedicated queue for special assistance passengers or those travelling with the sunflower lanyard. If you are not sure then don't be afraid to ask.
For more information on the help that airline staff can offer read my helpful guide: Using airline special assistance
AUTISM BUGGIES AND WHEELCHAIRS - YOUR RIGHTS
Most autism buggies are technically classed as a paediatric wheelchair, and you have the right to take it to the plane door, despite its size. We have a certificate certifying it our buggy as a wheelchair for travel purposes which was provider by the company we purchased it from.
You also have the right to stand by the plane door at the other end and wait for it to be brought up from the luggage hold to the aircraft door. In our experience this can take quite a long time, and you have to weigh up the benefits of receiving the buggy this side of passport control versus your child's ability to stand and wait outside the aircraft door!
In the past we used to take our paediatric buggy to the gate, and check it in there, but now we print a luggage label for it at the check in desk and take it to the oversized luggage counter. We then collect it from the oversized luggage section at our destination.
Depending on the airport, we sometimes request an airport wheelchair to use in its place.
Here are the three reasons why booking a wheelchair often works well for us:
A wheelchair is nearly always waiting for you on arrival and avoids the potentially long wait for the buggy to be found and brought up to the aircraft.
Often our youngest son will be dysregulated and refuse the buggy and insist on being carried. He is much happier sitting on my lap in a wheelchair, or next to his brother, than on his own in the buggy.
Booking a wheelchair often (but not always) comes with a transfer in one of the motorised buggies that you see. Being able to travel on one of these, rather than by foot has been so helpful on more than one occasion. particularly when the alternative was personally carrying over 25kg of dysregulated child!
The extra benefits of the wheelchair (and the buggy to a lesser extent) also include:
It helps keeps the boys contained in the queue before the security gate and scanner
Afterwards one of us can take our youngest through to a special assistance quiet space
He has somewhere he can sit (preferably on my lap) or he can hide under a light sarong and recover from all the demands he has faced up to this point
CLEARING SECURITY WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN
Once your luggage is sorted out and you have boarding passes, you can either go straight to security or go back and wait in the special assistance area. Depending on the support you need, someone from the airport special assistance team may be able to take you through security.
SPECIAL ASSISTANCE QUEUE FOR HIDDEN DISABILITIES (including Autism & ADHD)
Most airports have a special assistance line through security and it is not unusual for this to be shared with families. At this point you should be prepared to queue, as everyone will be in the same position so there is no jumping to the front.
However the staff in London airports do tend to prioritise the hidden disability passengers before other families, and will do their absolute best to get you through as quickly as possible. It is helpful if you identify yourselves to the airport staff manning these gates and if your child finds queuing particularly difficult make sure to tell them.
Wearing the sunflower lanyard visibly around your neck is also helpful and will certainly let security staff know you may need a gentler approach.
Visit this page for more information on the sunflower lanyard scheme.
PASSING THROUGH THE SECURITY SCANNER
Your child will be expected to walk into the security scanner and stand still in the middle on their own, however as a last resort you can carry them. If you carry them, they will then need to do a light touch pat down afterwards to ensure you are not using your child to hide any banned items.
Our eldest will normally go through the scanner first and I then pass through second, if our youngest is feeling calm.
If he is not then I will have to carry him through with me. He’s getting better now and on a good day is willing to adopt the scan position in the machine and even seems to enjoy it – on one occasion he even refused to step out!
However we have also had experiences where is he very dysregulated and won't stand still for long enough and then screamed and kicked the whole time he was having the light pat down. The staff were very professional and tried to be as light touch and quick as possible. We all got through it, but I will admit it was pretty stressful!
You never know how your child is going to react on the day, so it pays to be open-minded, flexible and totally ignore all of your fellow passengers.
CARRYING ESSENTIAL MEDICATION
If, like us, you need to carry essential medication in liquid form with you onto the plane then you will unfortunately have an additional wait at this stage. This is so security staff can test the contents of the bottles and check your accompanying paperwork.
For more information on carrying medication through security read our article
LOUNGES & DEPARTURE GATES
SPECIAL ASSISTANCE LOUNGE / SEATING
If you have booked special assistance then you can often access a special assistance waiting area within the terminal once you are through security. Some airports also provide you with a pager that will sound an alarm when it is time to go the departure gate so that you can go for a wander around the shops and use the toilets etc.
You don’t have to stay in the waiting area, and are free to go wherever you like. Some airports (like Gatwick's North Terminal) now have sensory rooms that can be booked in advance. Alternatively you may also be able to find a spot in a restaurant that is quiet and away from the crowds.
If you do go off, make sure you check the expected time for pickup and the range of the pager, so you don’t miss your escort to the departure gate.
AT THE DEPARTURE GATE
Depending on the airport, special assistance staff will either walk you or drive you in a buggy to your departure gate. Sometimes when they are busy they may need to take you to the gate earlier than you would want which is not ideal. However the upside is that it is likely the area will be free of crowds and pretty quiet. If a dedicated seating area for special assistance passengers is provided you will be given access to this.
The airport staff will also identify you to the airline staff, so they are aware that you will need support.
BOARDING THE PLANE
PRIORITY BOARDING
If you book special assistance, there is no need to pay for priority boarding.
This is because normal practice is to board special assistance passengers first, ahead of everyone else, including families. This allows you to go straight down to the plane and take your seat while no-one else is on the plane. It is incredibly helpful because it cuts out the queuing in the gangway down to the plane door and waiting in the crowded aisle while people sort themselves out.
There may also be the option of boarding last. This is less ideal for us, so we haven’t really used it.
Recently we travelled with my mother as well our two autistic children (she has mobility issues and struggles with stairs) and we were taken to a special hydraulic platform that raises you up to the level of the plane. From there you walk across a gangway onto the plane. Unfortunately this is normally done once the other passengers have been seated.
Note that some of the low-cost airlines may keep their planes a long way from the terminal, and bus passengers across the tarmac for boarding. This happened for us when we flew with Easy jet from Gatwick. Unfortunately we had to travel on the bus all squished in with the other passengers but the boys coped quite well. Luckily we got off the doors nearest the plane steps so still managed to be first on board and didn't have to wait and shuffle up the stairs - which would have been very tricky for our youngest!
PREPARING FOR TAKE OFF
This part can sometimes be tricky, particularly if your child has strong feelings about putting the window shade and table down when they need to be up! Other things like armrests and seatbelts can present a sensory challenge.
This is when preparing your child beforehand can come in really handy, as knowing what they will have to do on the plane can make all the difference. We used to practice being on a plane with the boys on the sofa to get them used to the idea.
If putting the window shade up makes it too bright for your child then having a light sarong to hand or providing sunglasses they can use to cover their face and eyes can be helpful. Likewise folding some soft material over the arm rest or between your child and the seatbelt can sometimes help. Our eldest always puts his ear defenders on just before take-off - as although he enjoys the experience the engine noise can be too much for him at times.
POPPING EARS
We always make sure that we have something the boys can chew or suck on during the take-off and landing stage, it both helps to distract them, (we dole them out pieces one bit at a time) and can help with the changes in pressure in the ears. Our youngest really likes fruit yoyo’s while his brother goes for the Colin Caterpillar snakes. Sipping water can also help and taking it in turns to see who can do the biggest yawns.
However at times the pressure change is still too much for them and our youngest has been know to start shouting loudly about how much it hurts and things like "I cant hear!". Once again, if you child does start being very vocal just do your best to stay calm, and ignore the looks or comments of other passengers.
ON BOARD AND DURING THE FLIGHT
ON BOARD MEALS
Pack plenty (and I mean PLENTY) of snacks. They will come in handy at all stages of your journey and if you pack to right sensory mix e.g. dry / soft / chewy / crunchy they can be a useful tool for helping your child to stay regulated. Having a banana or pack of oatcakes to hand to dole out when things become fraught has headed off more than one meltdown! On one memorable flight home from a holiday we were caught in a long queue and our of desperation ended up handing our youngest what remained of a large bag of cornflakes while he sat in a wheelchair and just let him crunch his way through them!
In addition to the snacks we also take both boys a reusable straw - they provide calming sensory input and are handy for putting into water bottles or cups. We also pack each child a bento box with a cold lunch/tea (depending on flight time). Eating their meals can take up a surprising amount of time, which is great! The comfort foods also help to make them feel more relaxed and at home.
We have not yet flown far enough or for long enough to have an inflight meal. If your child has restricted eating choices or food allergies I have heard that getting the right meal for them can be difficult. Oftentimes requests for a child's meal are ignored and they are presented with an adult option. Obviously this is highly dependent on the airline you fly with. It may be helpful to email them directly and ask if they can meet your requirements, or confirm what the meal selection might be. If need be pack as much cold picnic food as you can.
Be aware that while you can take your own food on board the plane to eat, you may not be able to take uneaten food (particularly cured meats, fresh fruit or vegetables and some un-pasteurised cheeses) into your destination country on arrival. Make sure you check the rules and don't fall foul of customs regulations on importing food stuffs.
SEAT SELECTION
You should think carefully about your seating choice, and it may even be worth it to pay a little more money to secure the best seats for your family.
We try and sit as near to the front as we can because we know that the boys are going to want to go to the toilet at least once, and will probably wait until the last minute when they are desperate before they tell us (their internal cues are not as strong as non-autistic children).
Sitting near the front means we are less likely to get trapped in the aisle by the drinks trolley, and can quickly nip into the toilet when a person comes out.
We have also discovered it is nearly impossible to stop our youngest son from repeatedly (and forcibly) opening and closing the tray table, or sticking his feet up between the chair and window in front. We now have a standard seating arrangement of one parent and our eldest in two seats (window and middle) and the other parent and our youngest in the two seats directly behind.. This means we don’t get any annoyed passengers asking us to stop our child bumping their seat!
KEEPING YOUR KIDS HAPPY
Keeping the kids happy on the plane is up there with getting through security for provoking anxiety. I wont lie, it can be difficult, and it is probably the main reason we have tend to fly for a maximum of 3.5 hours. However we do get through it, and you will too! So don't be afraid to bring whatever items your child requires on to the plane with you to keep them occupied. I am a firm believer that it is better to have too much than not enough.
Soft toys, activity books, tablets filled with downloads of their favourite shows and games are all good ideas. Many airlines now offer wifi (sometimes free) which is also great if your children can use technology.
I now expect to be fully occupied for most of the flight providing sensory support to my youngest, so if I get anytime to read a few pages of a magazine I consider it a bonus.
SENSORY ITEMS
Sensory items are hugely important for our family and really help the flight to go as smoothly as possible. As soon as he is in his seat with his belt our eldest always asks for his ear defenders, which he keeps on until some time mid flight. He puts them back on again when we get close to landing. We also bought him a tubular pencil case which he fills with his favourite fidget toys, and I pack an activity book and some pens.
I also pack both boys a 'bitey', an oral chewable he can put on his lanyard around his neck, as well as making sure there is something soft for them to touch. Our eldest has a favourite scarf he often wears but if that is not suitable then we have a few zip-up hoodies with soft linings that he can choose from.
I am also very relaxed when our youngest takes off his shoes and socks - which a sensory response to stress. I have learned this helps to keep him calm and he always agrees to put them on before leaving the plane.
LANDING & DISEMBARKING
Once again, landing can be difficult with all the rules to follow, particularly if they ask you to turn off electrical devices! The sweet snacks come out at this point, both to distract and help with their ears.
Often if you have booked special assistance the airline crew will ask you to wait until all the other passengers have disembarked. This is often the most difficult part for us, as the boys, especially our youngest are desperate to get off the plane!
PASSPORT CONTROL
Along with clearing security before departure, queuing for passport control at your destination airport can be one of the most stressful parts of the whole journey.
It will be a lot easier if you book special assistance. Although you may have a longer wait on the plane before you disembark, once you have been met by your representative you will be taken to a dedicated queue for disabled passengers.
As always, there may be a short wait if there are disabled passengers already in front of you(!), but they do prioritise these lanes and the wait shouldn't be too long. Occasionally we have been taken to border control on a buggy from the plane gate, and have remained seated the whole time. The passport officer came to the vehicle to check us against our passports.
Every airport is different, but regardless of their processes using special assistance generally means you will benefit from a calmer and shorter queue at passport control. Please note this may not be the case in some of the smaller airports - on arrival in Innsbruck (Austria) there were only 3 passport counters in total, so we just had to join the queues with everyone else!
We have also noticed that some UK airports now have separate queues for people travelling with the sunflower lanyard. It really does help to make a potentially disastrous situation bearable and I am sure it has saved us from some epic meltdowns.
COLLECTING YOUR LUGGAGE
With no skip-the-queue options this is always a tricky touch point in the journey for us - we just have to hope our luggage comes out quickly! I always dread this bit, as keeping our youngest from climbing onto the conveyor belts is a real challenge.
Sometimes when we have booked special assistance and they have provided a transfer buggy I have been able to remain in the buggy with him (and his brother if he wants) away from the crowds until J has collected all the luggage and we have retrieved the buggy. This has been very helpful, but I view it as an added bonus, I certainly wouldn't expect it.
Other than food bribery, using distraction (like running races up and down while you wait) or bringing out the tech for some screen time I have no magic suggestions for surviving the last stage.
If you have checked in your buggy then the chances are it will be in the oversized luggage section, this is normally quite close to the luggage carousels.
TRANSFERS / ONWARD TRAVEL
GETTING OUT THE AIRPORT
We have had lots of different experiences at this stage. Occasionally some very friendly special assistance staff have stayed with us all the way to our next stage, whether that be the taxi rank or car hire desk. In Glasgow we were escorted as far as the mid-stay carpark which was as far as our young man was allowed to take us!
Other times we have been deposited at the luggage carousels and been left to it.
I always try and look at the plan for an airport's arrivals hall so I have good idea of where we should be heading. While we have used public transport for onward travel (Bergen's was very easy) we do tend to either hop in a taxi or pick up a hire car.
Picking up a hire car can be difficult as the children have to endure another wait while paperwork etc is filled out and the car located - one memorable holiday in Sicily saw the heavens opening for a flash rain pour just as we were trying to pack the car!
At least you know that the end is in sight, just one more transition and you can all collapse in a heap on a comfy bed or sofa!
SOME FINAL WORDS
I really hope that if you are thinking of taking your first flight as a family you now feel confident enough to do so. While there is a lot you can do to plan and prepare your children in advance, nothing is better than learning from repeated experiences. We have constantly refined our approach and worked out what really works for us as family and you will too.
We have also learned to let go of our expectations about how we think the boys should behave, and now simply work with what they are actually doing / communicating to us at any given point in the journey. We are never afraid or to proud to ask for help or accept it when it is offered.
We have grown increasingly thick skinned and are much less troubled by any 'judgey' stares or pointed comments. After all our boys have just as much right to be travelling as everyone else - and we are doing our very best to keep them as regulated as possible!
The boys now know what to expect from 'airport days' and are SO much better now at getting through the journey then when we first started in 2022.
As parents we are also feeling braver and more confident with each flight we take! Hopefully it wont be long before we feel comfortable enough to take the boys on their first long haul flight. As we often remind ourselves - "If we go we know, if we never go, we never know".
